On
analysis TheNumbers Game is a pretty strong episode, but it sits uneasily with
me and I don’t know why. Torin Thatcher, playing an ageing
dictator, is very strong. His scheming young wife Eva, played by May
Britt, is great, if perhaps a little too Scandinavian (although the
accents in this are, to be honest, all over the place, zigzagging
from the Baltic states, over to Sweden, down to Germany.) This is one
of the perfect psyche out episodes where a man is compelled by his
own insecurities and fears to do what he never believed he would.
Perhaps what really hurts is that you know that with Rollin and
Cinnamon on board, and a year in the past in terms of fashion, it
would have just that extra edge of slick. I’m not sure what
happened between early 1969 and late 69, apart from Star Trek being
cancelled and the Beatles crashing towards their inevitable end, but
things are taking a downturn, aesthetically. But – and this is a
big but – Paris displays a lovely abundance of glossy, flopping
hair and beautiful hands, and for that we can forgive him for not
being Rollin. Also, we get Lee Meriwether in her first episode of
this season, and don’t we wish they’d made the decision to keep
her as a regular?
So
why does it sit uneasily? I really don’t know. Perhaps it’s that
the colours are just a little more garish, that the location shots
look so undeniably Southern California, that Paris’s scar looks too
much like something plastic, and the supposedly solid bunker looks
like it’s built from the plywood and paint that it probably is.
Perhaps it’s because the team of Barney and Willy is broken up and
we don’t get any of the looks between them. You know the looks.
Barney spends most of the episode mostly inactive in a tunnel, while
Willy plays a lawyer, which is always hard to take. On the plus side
we get Jim and Paris in uniform and arguing, Germanic (let’s leave
it at that) accents aplenty, an excellent psychological erosion of a
man’s mind, and a well-played bad guy. Let’s go and look at the
pretty pictures.
Well,
hello, Jim. Aren’t you looking rugged, with your button-down collar
and rust-red tie and that rather lovely looking jacket? Jim’s at
the docks. He spends a lot of time at the docks, and luckily this is
early enough that he’s not wearing ill-advised check trousers and
deck shoes.
Jim’s
at one of those telescopes that you pay to look through. It seems
rather an industrial area for one of those.
I’m
sorry, but he’s just looking rather lovely with the wind ruffling
his hair and the sun catching him from behind. But hey, this is a
Peter Graves blog. This is what you came here for. If you came here
for Leonard Nimoy, be grateful for the opportunity to gaze on two
perfect men in one blog.
Jim
is listening very seriously to his mission, which is to recover the
number of a Swiss bank account from an ageing former dictator to
prevent him from returning to power. Just the kind of mission Jim
likes.
Oh
good lord, Jim. Hands.
Again.
Oh good lord. The only man to make smoking sexy.
*whimpers*
*whimpers
again* The only way he could be hotter in this scene would be if he
were doing his ‘strolling around with his collar open and shirt
sleeves rolled up’ thing.
Of
course Jim and Barney are both looking very smart for the briefing,
as they talk about switching Gollan’s (the dictator’s) radios.
Dr
Ziegler, not so hot.
Willy
is looking buff and hot too, and manages a wonderful tone of voice
when talking about Gollan’s young wife Eva, ‘I’ll keep her
busy.’
I bet you will, Willy.
And here’s Lee Meriwether
again, as Tracey, looking glorious. It’s such a shame she wasn’t
made into a permanent character.
And
Paris. Finally Paris, looking rather sultry in his jacket (is that
herringbone? We had a settee in that pattern) and his
under-the-collar silk neckerchief. Hello, Paris.
Jim.
For no reason other than eyes that are blue and a cute voice and
general wonderfulness.
Gollan’s
schloss looks curiously like a southern Californian mock-historical
mansion. But we won’t dwell on that. Gollan’s schloss doesn’t
have blue eyes or a silken neckerchief or any of those other needful
things. To put things in short, Gollan’s not well, he goes off down
to his underground bunker with Denesch, his plotting underling, to
talk about his bank account. Blah blah, they’re not pretty.
Meanwhile our doctor is coming to visit him, but he’s not pretty
either. I’ll allow that Lee Meriwether is pretty, in her nurse’s
uniform, but we only get a brief glimpse.
Okay,
let’s have a brief cap of this pair, Gollan and Denesch in the
underground bunker, which really needs Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen to
come round and make it a bit more homely. Gollan is nicely played by
Torin Thatcher, with a kind of dictatorial teddy bear look. Denesch
has a proper Nazi villain look with his slick blondish hair, and is
played by Don Francks. Denesch is trying to persuade Gollan to leave
everything to him instead of his wife.
‘Vomen.
Vomen are notorious for changing their mind, General,’ Denesch
reminds him.
Don’t
we all want a lift to a secret bunker that’s cunningly hidden
behind a sliding shelf in our enormous bookcase? I know I do.
Here
we all are. Tracey looks particularly hot in her nurse’s uniform
and Eva, Gollan’s wife, is a perfect 1960s doll (the kind of
slightly domineering type.) While Tracey and the doctor go in to work
on Gollan, Eva and Denesch bitch at each other in the corridor. They
are only interested in power, not in Gollan’s health, except as in
regards to how soon he will die.
Tracey’s
cloak and medical bag cover a multitude of sins. While the doctor
attends to Gollan she is swapping his radio for the team’s rigged
one, which has a tape inside to simulate war erupting.
Meanwhile...
As Gollan falls seriously ill, Jim and his team are dropped off on a
bridge by an ambulance. Jim is wearing a sexy uniform. It’s all
good.
Men
in uniform. Very nice.
Oh,
Jim, do you have any right to keep being so pretty?
This
may not be the best shot of it, but I’m reliably informed by a dear
friend that it was seeing this rear scurrying through the undergrowth
that first alerted her to the fact that there was something special
in Peter Graves.
I
can’t help but wonder if Barney’s thinking, ‘Hang on. They all
get to scurry through the undergrowth in camo. I get bright blue
overalls and red wire cutters. This isn’t fair.’ And he’d be
right.
Jim
helps the others up a slope so they can enter the passages behind the
bunker (useful, those passages). Hey, Jim. I’d climb your rope,
baby.
For
once Barney wears goggles to do his awesome Barney-work. He really
should wear them more often. Too often he’s there squinting up at a
ceiling he’s sawing into with grit cascading into his eyes.
That’s
a nasty fake scar that Paris has got.
Oh
my god, Jim. (Meanwhile, up in Gollan’s room, another doctor
convinces Eva and Denesch that Gollan is seriously ill and needs a
tracheotomy, on site.)
Barney
has the slightly smug look of a man who knows he’s awesome. As my
nine-year-old says, Barney should be the star of this.
Meanwhile,
Tracey looks hot while the doctor puts Gollan in an oxygen tent and
steams it up nicely.
They’re
in. Jim takes his helmet off. His hair is mussed. The team go about
replacing radios and the like down here, too.
Our
boys waiting to get into the lift. Jim looks curiously boyish.
There’s
no nonsense about them. Pull back the blankets and grab the guy.
Stat.
Meanwhile
Paris, who has glorious hair in this episode, gets out the
blow-up-Gollan. No party is complete without one. Well, if you’re
having an inflatable dictator party, anyway. And I do know someone
who’s been to a dictator party. Not an inflatable one, but close.
This
thing really is quite freakishly realistic. Lee Meriwether says in
the Mission: Impossible Dossier “One day we were filming Torin in
the [oxygen] tent. We broke for lunch and forgot all about him –
he’d fallen asleep.” Apparently they thought he was the dummy.
(White, Patrick J. The Complete Mission: Impossible Dossier. (London:
Boxtree, 1996), p.235)
I
just like this little silent look that Jim gives Tracey as the lift
door closes. I’m not sure exactly what he means by it, but I get
the feeling he’s not liking leaving her up there.
Jim
makes himself look dusty in preparation for Gollan coming round.
In
a nice segue, up above, Eva is primping herself in a similar but
opposite manner. Tracey delivers a message, ostensibly written down
by Gollan before he lost consciousness, directing her to phone a
certain number...
...and
on the other end is Willy. Willy, the buff lawyer.
What
a delightful moment as we get Jim bending over a desk, and Paris
sitting on it, swinging his legs like a schoolboy. This is what
Gollan sees after he comes round and staggers into the main room of
the bunker.
Barney
gets to sit outside in the tunnels, directing all of the television
and radio broadcasts.
Jim
is looking harassed and pretty.
Paris
is also looking harassed and pretty, and very floppy-haired, but he’s
rather more disaffected than Jim.
Poor
Gollan is beside himself at the evidence that war has broken out.
Jim
pretends to be peeved at Gollan’s interruption. You’d be peeved
too if people had been setting off atomic bombs above ground.
So
Gollan is convinced that the capital and the water reservoirs are
irradiated and the country is under martial law. Unhappy.
‘What
does it mean?’ he asks, and the doctor says in a hollow voice,
‘World War Three is about to begin.’
Gollan’s
actor does a wonderful job of looking like a dictator who really is,
in the end, a frightened man who knows he is past his use.
The
doctor has Gollan on one hand and a supposedly dying man on the floor
on the other. Jim’s orders are to keep him alive no matter what,
using the last of the penicillin that they have, setting the scene
for a conflict between Gollan’s care and the dying soldier. Jim is
completely indifferent to Gollan, which is the perfect way to work on
the self-important ex-dictator’s psychology.
Oh.
Hand. Wrist. Sinews. Dark, shiny, floppy hair. Oh.
This
needed a second screencap. Nimoy is particularly pleasing whenever he
puts on his German/Russian persona, especially when he’s being a
rather insubordinate wise-ass as he is here.
All
Barney gets to do through all this is sit in his tunnel monitoring
what’s going on inside and controlling the broadcasts. I want to
say poor Barney, but really it’s the best place to be.
Meanwhile
Jim is being terse and masterful, insisting the doctor treats the
soldier, not Gollan.
‘You
are of no military importance,’ he tells Gollan, and you can see
the shock in Gollan’s eyes. We get a stand off between Jim and the
doctor, and the doctor wins. Another psychological tactic to make
Gollan feel the doctor is on his side.
I
do love Paris’s lanky, loose, fed up bearing.
So
we learn that the dying man is a colonel with vital information. Paris and
Jim stage an argument to give another string to the psychological
number being worked on Gollan.
Gollan
really does love Eva, even though she is only using him. When Jim
tells him that everyone ‘up there’ is dead he is stricken with
the need to get to her. (Yes, this is a picture of Jim,
and the doctor’s head, but as we’ve established, Jim is prettier
than Gollan.)
Paris
is still doing his phone thing, and we need a screencap of this
because... Well, because. Because it’s prettier than watching
Gollan trying to get to the lift to find Eva.
And
still Paris is being pretty on the phone as he taunts Gollan with the
answer, ‘Maybe never,’ to his question, ‘How long before we can
go up there?’
Meanwhile,
up on the surface, Willy is still being a buff lawyer, trying to
entrap Eva into betraying herself as a self-interested money grabber
who is after nothing but the number of Gollan’s Swiss bank account. Go
Willy!
Meanwhile
meanwhile, the doctor is about to give Gollan penicillin when Jim
takes it from him, telling him it must be saved for the dying
soldier. Gollan is increasingly scared and desperate.
Jim
is increasingly pretty. When Gollan wails that he will die Jim says
coolly, ‘Yes, this is a time of great personal sacrifice for us
all.’ This is one of the great lines highlighted in the Mission:
Impossible Dossier.
Paris
is still doing his pretty-on-the-phone thing. Really, he should get a
job as a receptionist.
Up
on the surface Eva is coolly telling Denesch that ‘on my husband’s
behalf I have decided to postpone the invasion indefinitely.’ I
can’t honestly remember what this invasion was, but Denesch is
royally peeved. This episode is chock full of psychology, pitting
person against person.
Denesch
has been pushed too far and is determined to go down to the bunker.
Oh dear... Tracey calls down to the bunker while the ‘doctor’
stalls.
Jim
has an ‘oh f*ck’ moment.
‘Trouble.
Put him out fast,’ he tells the doctor. Also his hand is pretty.
It’s
all going on now as they scurry to clear the bunker.
Paris
rushes back for some stuff. His hair is floppy...
Jim
is having to carry Gollan around again...
Denesch
is nearly at the bunker...
Oops.
Jim notices a helmet left behind...
He
goes back but doesn’t have time to grab it, or to get back through
the hole. He’s left hiding in the other room...
Denesch
is as observant as a mole. Although to be fair, I’m not sure most
of us would notice that helmet, and even if we did our first thought
wouldn’t be that there’s a troop of people down there attempting
to extract the Swiss bank account number from Gollan by devious
psychological means.
Denesch
is busy forging Gollan’s signature on a document passing control to
him on Gollan’s death. Naughty boy.
Back
in the bunker after Denesch has left, Paris is being insubordinate
and floppy-haired again as Jim instructs him to try to get something
on the radio.
While
he’s alone in the room with Gollan he starts trying to loot it for
valuables. It’s as if Gollan is already dead.
So
Gollan starts trying to bribe Paris to help him... We’re getting
closer. He’s offering the combination to the safe...
Paris
really does look quite pretty here...
Meanwhile
the doctor up top tells Denesch and Eva that Gollan is dead. Eva is
not exactly overwhelmed with grief.
I
don’t quite know what to do with myself at moments like this. Too
much hotness. Jim
gets Barney to start up a radio broadcast saying that many European
cities have been destroyed.
Jim
gets flashbacks to Robert Mitchum again...
And
while he’s asking Gollan what’s wrong, Paris jumps him.
Paris
looks masterful with Jim’s gun.
‘I
will give you the gun,’ Paris retorts, ‘piece by piece, starting
with the bullets.’
Paris
kindly gives Jim one of the bullets. This is his ‘I am now shooting
you’ face.
This
is Jim’s ‘I have just been shot face.’ Oh, thighs...
Paris
is unrepentant as the doctor accuses him of planning this with
Gollan.
Meanwhile,
Willy. He looks curiously like Paul Eddington with the grey in his
hair. He’s about to give Eva the fictitious number to Gollan’s
account. But Denesch challenges her, telling her of the papers (which
he has forged.) So. They’ll be going to the safe again, and Willy
is completely thrown out.
Paris
finally has his hands on the safe, and a gun in his hand, and is
furious with Gollan because the currency in there is worthless since
the war began.
Yum.
Of
course this is all part of the design. With a gun on him Gollan is
ready to hand over the number of the bank account.
Meanwhile,
as the little group of Willy, Eva, and Denesch come in, Tracey senses
trouble... Oh dear. Our guys only have a few moments...
Paris
holds life for Gollan in one hand, death in another.
The
lift is descending...
4-9-7-4-3.
Gollan recites the number. Paris plays it cool, saying he could be
telling him any numbers...
You
can just see the lift coming down in the background, as Gollan gets
the computer to confirm he’s telling the truth.
And
there it is. Just as the lift doors open.
Gollan
sees Eva, Denesch, and Willy step out of the lift.
Willy
does his thang, and everyone gets mobile. The dead come back to life.
This is a WTF moment for all of the poor hoodwinked baddies.
Because
Eva is a lady the only thing she can do is grip the back of a chair.
Jim
gives Gollan the, ‘well, you brought it on yourself by being a bad
man,’ look, nods, and goes to leave.
Barney
transmits the bank account number just in time.
This
is a little diorama of dejection, because everyone has either lost
something or been exposed for what they are.
Oh
my god, broad shoulders...
And
off they go, another mission possibled. Good work, chaps.